A system of self-redemption is a way of dealing with our shame, our sense that something is wrong with us. Instead of turning to God, our creator, redeemer, and source of our true identity, we turn to idols and develop a strategy for asserting an identity, redeeming ourselves through our own efforts. This is the very essence of sin, but it often develops unconsciously as a result of the ways we are trying to cope with our shame. … My surface idols were grades, being proficient in music, and meeting expectations. But my deeper idol was control. I clearly exhibited a mastery pattern, pursuing a sense of competence and self-worth by doing. Between power or control, I preferred control because I put the pressure on myself. I know that my strategy of control developed long before the sixth grade, but in this particular moment my strategy became more defined: I would only pursue competence in things I was good at, solidifying my way of becoming my own savior. … Because of my past experiences with my parents, I acted as if everything was all up to me, which led to the old painful feelings of being alone as I tried to handle things that felt overwhelming to me. As this pattern became more apparent, I realized that I did not know enough about who God really is to trust him. I related to him as if he did not have the power to change my circumstances or my distress without my own efforts to change them. I was relying on myself and disparaging his omnipotence in my life.