What do you think is more useful for a kid—having a parent who is very anxious about getting it right, or one who is working on being in charge of themselves?

And whom would you rather have at work—a boss who’s concerned they’re not supporting you enough, or one who’s trying to managing their anxiety in a more responsible way?

There’s no right answer to these questions. I ask them simply to help people think about how the intensity of their relating, not just their intentions, affect a relationship. So much of what we label as “trying our best” is really an attempt to manage our own distress. **So much of what we label as “trying our best” is really an attempt to manage our own distress. **

-Kathleen Smith